Thursday, July 27, 2006

Best Craig's List Entry Evar

I think this is for real...

Jets Season Ticket - FREE! - Read Inside

Reply to:
Date: 2006-07-27, 8:59AM EDT

Hello Friends,

I'm writing today with a terrific offer for a huge Jets fan!

How would you like to have a free season ticket to see every home game for the entire year? What if I told you the seat was only seven rows up section 132, close to the field and directly in line with the 45-yard line?

Interested? I thought so.

But here's the best part: I'm giving away the ticket for FREE. My wife, my usual game-time companion, recently left me for her business partner. His name is Jack O'Shea, and they had sex for the first time in a hotel room in Santa Fe, New Mexico, at a conference. But that's neither here nor there.

The point is, my wife always used to accompany me to games, and it will be very hard for me to go this year without her. I'm looking for someone friendly, easy-going, and tolerant to attend all Jet home games in her place. Gentlemen only, please.

You're probably wondering: why don't you just ask one of your friends? Nope, it won't work. All my friends remind me of my wife, because we used to attend social functions together. Often, Jack O'Shea was also present, though I never suspected at the time that my wife would have an affair with him. I always thought she was happy.

So I'm offering the ticket for free to a relative stranger. However, there are certain rules you must follow.

1) Do NOT mention Jack O'Shea. As you can imagine, it's a really sore subject with me. He slept with my wife, and continues to do so. Therefore, Jack O'Shea must remain out of our conversations.

2) Be a HUGE Jets fan. This includes drinking beer, at least three per game, and cheering loudly for the Jets and making rude comments about other teams.

3) Respect the officials. I don't go for profanity. That's the kind of thing Jack O'Shea would do, and it's classless.

4) Number Four is the most important. My wife, before she left me, would wear a New York Jets cheerleading outfit to all the games. Everyone in our section would comment on how attractive she looked, and some would make cat calls. This is one of the things I will miss the most. I will not ask you to wear the cheer leading top, as I know this is demeaning for a male. However, I do insist that you wear the New York Jets cheerleading SKIRT.

It's okay if you wear it over a pair of jeans. You may NOT wear it UNDER the jeans. That defeats the entire purpose. Also, you may NOT retaliate if anyone is to make cat calls at you. I will provide the skirt.

5) Jack O'Shea, who used to be our family friend, has a pair of season tickets only three rows away. He will probably be taking my wife to most games. As you can imagine, I do NOT want to seem bitter or sad. Whenever she looks at us, we must both cheer loudly and act as though we are having the time of our lives. If she approaches, I will plug my ears with both fingers, look at you, and say "Do you hear something?" At this point, you should look around, puzzled, and say "No, I don't hear anything." We will repeat this as necessary until she goes back to her new boyfriend, Jack O'Shea.

6) Did I mention you should be a HUGE Jets fan?! We're New York's team! I think this year we'll win the super bowl!

That about covers it, my future friend. Please respond with a bit about yourself, and why you'd be the perfect candidate for my great season ticket!

Please do not mention Jack O'Shea in your reply.

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests